The things we take for granted :/

Fall is definitely in the air right now and a pretty hard time for me!

My circulation disease Raynaud's is in a little flair.  I am having spasms about 10-12 times a day in both my hands and feet.  The spasms I talk about is when the blood vessels constrict and cause my hands/feet to turn purple, dark purple, to white-- then when warmed up they turn bright red.  As this happens they hurt and sometimes feel like they are on fire (like when you are warming up from having frozen hands in the winter).  They don't burn much anymore--I am pretty desensitized to it but they do ache and become really stiff and the ends hurt.  Ulcers can develop due to lack of circulation.

I have a nice little calcium deposit that has erupted through my elbow.  Anyone out there who has had calcium deposits will tell you how painful they are!  I can't explain it well-- but pretty much like a splinter of glass cutting into you with additional nerve pain in the area.  Ouch!  I showed my Dr. on Monday and of course they say to leave them alone but I got super brave and dug it out of my elbow tonight.  My whole arms shook and literally thought I was going to pass out.  It's so hard to teach dance and tumbling when that is constantly being rubbed on so I think it will be better now that it's out.  I have one in my knee that I need to get surgically removed sometime.  I can't kneel on a certain spot on my right knee.

(couldn't get a very good picture of it...it's a deep sliver wounnd)

I also have an ulcer on the outside part of my small toe on BOTH feet.  They don't bother me much only during a spasm or when I am dancing--so I guess they do bother me a lot haha.  Wish they would heal before the weather turns too cold.

Here are a couple pictures I took tonight so you know a little about what I am trying to explain.  My toes are swollen too because of the increased dose of steroids :(

It hurts to dance with these dang toe ulcers so hoping they will heal fast.

I am kind of bummed but another thing that just started Tuesday night is dysphagia (difficulty swallowing).  Ya, I wasn't going to say anything because I thought it was just a minor thing but continued again last night and so I woke up Spencer and told him.  We said a little prayer that it will improve.  I'm sure my mom & liz will freak and be mad I haven't said anything.  It's different than when my lower esophageal sphincter was affected and I could hardly swallow any food or water.  I can still get food down--it's just that my throat muscles feel really weak so when I swallow I have to really try to swallow hard or even swallow a couple times.  My throat feels tired most of the time, such a weird feeling that I've never felt before. I need to call my Dr. on Tuesday and see what he thinks we should do.  I really don't want it to get worse and then have other things flare up.  Oh the things we take for granted!  I would be lying if I said I wasn't worrying just a tad.  Dr. Call will probably want to try me again on some kind of a calcium channel blocker called nifedipine but I just don't think I can tolerate the migraines it gives me.  Those are getting lots better :)

Tonight my bones ache and I feel chilled.

Tomorrow is BYU football so looking forward to a fun weekend with my little family!

It's the small things...

The medications I am on really are kicking my butt.  I have always been one that could run off little sleep but that has changed.  I am REALLY tired.  Like words cannot even describe how tired I am.  A few weeks ago I started with some anxiety of how I was going to start another school year and survive the 8:00am drop off time.  I seriously sleep in until 9-9:30 right now.  I just leave out cereal bowls for my boys the night before and their favorite cereal and the TV remote.  I am so proud of them for being responsible and extremely understanding.  Carrington sleeps in til 9- some mornings longer.  I stay in bed until she wakes up.  I never feel that I get enough sleep.  Anyways enough of that---so I have been desperate to find ways to help gain some energy.  Here are a few things I have faithfully done the last 4 weeks and it's beginning to help which I am so thankful for!!
*NO POP...most of you that know me probably don't believe it but yes not even one sip for a month.  First 2 weeks were hell--withdraw headaches were killer but I am now at a point where the craving or desire is not there.  My joints feel better and I have less headaches :)  I try to drink about a gallon of water a day.  I mix it up by putting fresh fruits in my water bottle.
*TAKE MEDS ON TIME...I know crazy but I have found if I am very consistent in taking my meds at the same time each day and night it makes a huge difference.  I found if I take my morning dose about 6 am (when I am up for a potty break from all the water I drink) then the drowsiness is died down by the time I get up....still sleepy (I never wake feeling well rested) but at least I don't feel zombified.   I also found if I take my nightly dose at dinner then I get really tired just before bed and I sleep more sound.  I cannot skip doses or I get insanely crazy nightmares that would make anyone cry.  I've always hated taking meds but getting more faithful and feeling some relief.
*PRAY FOR HELP...I am the type that when praying I thank more than I ask for special blessings.  I have been so desperate for help that my heart and soul has begged for help from my Heavenly Father.  I have pleaded to be able to get through the day.  My faith has increased.  I have received so much comfort from my Heavenly Father.
*GOOD FOOD...My husband will be the first to say I am a crappy eater.  I can skip breakfast and lunch EVERY single day and pig out on a huge dinner.  I know pretty horrible.  I have slowly started changing my eating habits.  I still rarely eat breakfast (except every Saturday and Sunday we eat a big breakfast as a family).  But I do have a mid morning snack.  Instead of a sugar based lunch I am obsessed with these wraps!

I am making all my eating choices to be more colorful and fresh.  My boys love them too.  We mix it up but basically lunch meat and all the vegetables from the fridge.  I've also tried something new the past couple weeks.  I've taken my kids grocery shopping with me and they each get to choose a couple fresh fruits and vegetables.  It's been fun trying new things and they feel more part of food choices and eat better :)  I also gag down the greens from it-works early afternoon.  Its disgusting to me and I have tried it an all types of juice and smoothies but it gets me hating it every time I take it BUT it makes me feel good!  Love/hate for sure.
*ESSENTIAL OILS...I am a distributor for young living and love it!  I have for over a year and always look forward to getting my monthly oils.  I also use do Terra and get them through my mom.  I could not live without deep blue (topical cream) for pain.  I have oils constantly diffusing in my kitchen/living area.  I use them on my kids daily.  I have too many favorites but purification, lavender, stress relief, and peace and calming are a few of my top picks.  I use frankincense daily which is one that can cross the blood brain barrier and detoxify.
*READING...Never in my life have I loved reading books (other than textbooks for school--I LOVE learning about science).  But novels have just not been my thing.  I always have made an excuse not to read and always saying I am too busy.  My mom though got me hooked to audiobooks on audible :)  I have read (listened) to several books this summer including:  The Birth Order, The Fault in Our Stars, Stopping Stress Before It Stops You, The Bridge to Heaven, The Hiding Place, and The Best of Me.  I just started Blackmoore by Julianne Donaldson.  I have really enjoyed these books and it's been a blessing in my life to maybe escape the tiredness, stress, or headaches for little bit each day.

So overall I feel like the past 3-4 week have been a little better and I feel a little more encouraged.  I still pray for strength and peace.