Fall/Winter...that's a wrap!!
Today was one of those days I was able to squeeze in some moments to reflect on where I am right now. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I am so grateful that the sheets of ice are starting to melt away from my driveway...seeing standing water and mud made my heart so happy. This fall and winter has been one of the best that I can ever remember (physically and spiritually). Emotionally not so much...
But, today I really needed to see the sunshine out, feel the warmth in the air, and see car washes in full swing! Fall and winter are particularly the hardest seasons for me to endure. When my body hurts and gets so cold, I really don't want to do anything. Even with this mild scleroderma winter, it completely messed with my mind and I easily let myself feel inadequate, overwhelmed, sad, frustrated, hopeless, and impatient. This winter I let those feelings control me all too much and I wasn't even in all that much pain. I am so grateful that I have faith and continue reading my Book of Mormon daily. It has blessed me spiritually more than I'll ever be able to describe. Otherwise, without my faith I think I would feel too sick or inadequate to even make it to church or work.
For those who aren't familiar with Scleroderma, a very common trial is flare ups during season changes. As spring is approaching (can't come soon enough), it for sure comes with a price. Flare ups are not fun and consist of fatigue, tremendous pain in my muscles and joints, stiffness, and for me I feel like I've been "ran over."
Even though I can't sleep, I will be up bright and early to greet the sun and finish out this work week with a better attitude towards myself. I'm truly seeing the sun at the end of this cold tunnel!
Physical update...
I'm on a waiting list to see Dr. Tracey Frech who is a Scleroderma specialist at the university of utah hospital. I currently am again on no meds (I really hate them and would rather endure the physical pain than feel "blah" or have headaches I get while on meds). My last appointment with Dr. Call went well. He prescribed me topical nitroglycerin to help with my raynauds disease. Oh my hell, I used it only a few times and was literally going to faint!! I'm not kidding, it caused the worst lightheadedness and migraines :( So again, I went through the winter getting by on ibuprofen and advil on days I just needed the edge taken off. Also, Dr. Call repeated blood work and it consistently shows that my muscle enzymes are elevated but I hate prednisone and everything else so I made another promise to him that I would go on steroid treatment if my muscle enzymes get worse this next draw. My swallowing has stayed about the same...I occcasionally feel too tired to swallow. Like the muscles are weak or tight. Having NO ulcers has been AWESOME this winter. I have only had issues with calcium deposits on both elbows--OUCH!! They are so red and tender. The dryness in my eyes have increased but I use saline drops everyday to help with that. My bones are another story for another day...its really dumb to have 70 year old bones as a 30 year old. I don't know how much longer I can gag down calcium supplements.
To wrap up my thoughts I'll end with this:
Treat people kind. Always!!
I know a lot of people hurting. Be the good!
That's a wrap!!
Love,
Britt
